


Alchera

by Amariahellcat



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alchera, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mass Effect 2, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-17 02:27:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16507616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amariahellcat/pseuds/Amariahellcat
Summary: Shepard receives the location of the original Normandy’s final resting place, and goes to place a monument - quickly realizing that going alone may not have been the best idea.





	Alchera

**Author's Note:**

> Minor Shakarian, Early Mass Effect 2 timeline, warning for minor panic attacks.

Alchera is a sea of white - still and silent, bleak and icy, like a painting or a photo out of one of those historical vids they show you back in Alliance training -  _a terrible tragedy, a mark in history -_

Shepard realizes the moment she steps out of the shuttle that coming alone was a very bad idea.

The silence wraps around her as she walks, even the crunch of ice beneath her feet barely audible in this frozen wasteland, and she beats back near constant panic attacks every time she steps into a broken piece of the original Normandy - memories flashing through her mind, faces and voices and smiles, good people who hadn’t deserved to go down, not like this.

Still, she grits her teeth, collecting dog tags as she goes - stooping down at every glimmer in the snow, rubbing the ice from the little metal tags and tucking them carefully into the satchel she’d brought for this very purpose.

Ashley’s face pops up when she steps through the remainder of the lower levels, making her chest tighten painfully, and Pressly’s half-corrupted datapad has her hands shaking even as she reads through the remaining words.

_They deserved better._

Shepard presses on, dutifully collecting the tags - stopping to give the poor, forlorn Mako a half grin and a salute, officially retired from it’s days of planet stomping - and turning to head back to the where the main hull sits, to place the Monument as per Hackets request.

She can’t help the startled yelp that escapes when her boot catches on something, hissing when she lands hard on her knees and turning to see what tripped her - breath catching.

Her old helmet - face-plate still intact, staring vacantly back at her almost accusingly, the severed oxygen line at the back of it a stark reminder of the fact that  _she_  had been here, too, one of the fallen, laying lost among the wreckage.

Shepard barely remembers to place the Monument in her mad dash away from the glare of the helmet, barking an order to return to the Normandy as she jumps into the shuttle and slumps into a seat.

It’s only as they leave the planet that she realizes she’s shivering.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“I need all of these reported to the Alliance and then sent to the soldiers families.” She tells Chambers as she marches back through the CIC, satchel thrust out before her, “There’s twenty total - are you able to do that for me, Chambers?”

“Of course, Commander - I’ll get started right away.” the yeoman takes the satchel and gives her what Shepard’s sure is a concerned look, though she’s refusing to look right at her, “Shepard, are you alright? You seem a little spooked.”

_I’m freezing._

“I’m fine; just dealing with old memories. I’ll be unavailable for a time, though - if anyone needs anything, tell them to talk to Miranda.”

“Of course, Commander.”

She makes a beeline for her cabin then, locking the door and stripping out of her armor the second she’s alone, under-suit nearly torn off in her haste. Her teeth are chattering as she moves into her bathroom and immediately cranks the water as hot as it’ll go, stepping under the steaming spray in the hopes that it will thaw the ice under her skin.

It’s scorching hot, her skin going red beneath the spray, yet the chill remains, and Shepard turns it off with a noise of frustration when it accomplishes nothing but making her skin wrinkle, grabbing the biggest towel she has and scrubbing at herself, still chasing that phantom ice.

The buzzer on her door goes off while she’s pulling on a pair of long pants and a long sleeve shirt, still toweling at her hair as her teeth continue to chatter - ignoring the buzzer in favor of trying, desperately, to get warm.

The buzzer goes again, and EDI pops up at her terminal. “Commander, it is Officer Vakarian; shall I tell him to come back later?”

 _Garrus._  Shepard turns back towards the door, forcing herself to climb the steps again - if there’s anyone she can handle right now, it’s Garrus. He’s probably the  _only_  person she’d let see her right now. “N-no, it’s okay.”

She hits the lock switch, trying to force a smile as the door slides open. “Hey, Garrus, what’s - w-wait, what’s  _that_?”

“Chambers told me you came back looking spooked, but your comms off; I figured coffee might be needed.” Garrus holds the thermos up, though there’s a look she can’t read in his eyes as he flicks his good mandible at her, “I wish you’d told me where you were going, Shepard - I’d have gone with you. No one should have to do that alone, dammit.”

That makes her freeze, mouth open and eyes a little wide as she stares at him, processing that. Then she stammers “You’d… wait, you’d have gone  _with_  me?! But - you  _hate_  the cold! You bitched about it the entire time on Noveria!”

“Well, yeah, but this was different - this was people we  _knew_ , Shepard. This was the Normandy.” his brow plates shift, and his voice seems softer suddenly, “This is being there for your best friend when she needs you, because she’s always there for you.”

That’s it - that one little admission is all it takes for her carefully built wall to crumble away and the tears to start falling, the sadness sweeping up and over in a sudden wave that has her breaking.

“Shit, Shepard, what’d I say?!” Garrus panics as soon as she starts crying, mandible flared and eyes wide, “I wasn’t trying to -  _shit_ , how can I-”

“They’re all  _gone_ , Garrus.” she sobs, towel still clutched in one hand, shivering starting all over again, “They’re  _dead_ , and it’s  _my fault_  -”

“Hey, wait, now, no it’s not-” he settles a hand on her shoulder and scowls, “Spirits, Shepard, you’re  _freezing_! What  _happened_  down there?”

“Can’t get warm, I don’t know why - took a shower, didn’t help - I just, I just keeping hearing voices, and seeing faces, and I just-” she breaks off into sobs again, eyes squeezing shut when he removes his hand - sucking in a startled breath when he wraps his arms around her, instead, pulling her in tight against his chest.

“I should have gone with you.” he growls, somewhere above her head, but all she can focus on is how  _warm_  he is, warm and real and  _alive_ , “C’mon, Shepard - let’s get you into bed, get you warmed up.”

Shepard doesn’t argue - let’s him maneuver her back down the stairs and across the loft, letting him help her climb into bed and bundle her up with all of her blankets and sheets and pillows - sobs dying down as she watches him go hunting for more, muttering under his breath as he moves, building a sort of nest around her in the bed.

She’s down to hiccuping by the time he seems content with his work, nodding to himself and crossing back over to sit beside her on the bed - shoulders brushing as he passes her the thermos of coffee.

“Better?”

Popping open the thermos, she takes a sip of the coffee and nods, “Better. Sorry for losing it, there.”

“You’re allowed - you’ve seen more shit then most people. I bet that’s a little traumatizing.” he hums, settles a bit more comfortably beside her, shoulders brushing again in a way that makes tingles shoot through her arm.

She’s starting to feel warm again, finally - and wonders if it doesn’t have more to do with his presence beside her then the blankets wrapped around her.

“I found my old helmet.” Shepard tells him, quietly, sipping the coffee again, “Tripped on it, actually - stark reminder that  _I_  died, too, that I was part of that frozen picture, once.”

“I don’t like Cerberus.” Garrus rumbles next to her, “But they brought you back - and for that, at least, I owe them. Things weren’t the same without you, Shep.”

“Aw, you missed me that much?”

“I did.” he says, looking right at her, and she holds that gaze, feeling warmth bloom in her chest.

“Well, good.” Shepard hunkers down a bit, snuggling purposely closer to him, and hums happily when he takes the hint and wraps his arm around her shoulders, giving her a gentle squeeze. “Can you stay for a while? Help keep the bad memories away?”

Garrus  _hums_ , pretending to look thoughtful, “ _Well_ , I  _do_  have some calibrations I need to get to -  _but_ ,” he amends, seeing her pout, “They can wait. Taking care of my best friend comes first.”

“Hmmm.” she says, sipping her coffee, “Maybe  _more_  than best friends?”

His arm on her tightens. “Definitely.”

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments make my day! ♥


End file.
